Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
