thus making me awesome and them whores
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
