I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
