Hey man sorry I got all grabby
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
