pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont even know how to be here
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
