I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
