what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
