Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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