So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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