All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
