The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
