He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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