Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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