i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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