I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
