Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
