Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
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she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.