I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
