he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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