R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
