Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize