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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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