I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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