First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
