all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize