i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
