come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
