Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
