i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
