I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
