how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
