after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
