WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
