She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
