My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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