Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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