so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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