Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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