her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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