I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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