And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
