You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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