The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize