Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
