he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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