What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
