do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
