Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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