Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
