And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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