the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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