just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
