If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My vagina is officially offended.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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