I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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