oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
