Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
