i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
