every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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