he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
