I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
