dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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