i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
