Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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