The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
