It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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