she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were trust falling into bushes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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