Tell her she can't have a vagina
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
