I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
