Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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