don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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