As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
